Your Inner Monologue Is Lying to You

Your Inner Monologue Is Lying to You

In The Social Contract, Jean-Jacques Rousseau famously wrote: “Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.” From the moment we’re born, language plays a central role in both creating and potentially overcoming the chains that bind us. The internalized stories we tell ourselves shape our thought patterns and, ultimately, our reality. Language forms the foundation of our beliefs, which in turn instruct the brain on what to focus on. Our brains then seek out and highlight information that confirms these existing beliefs, a practice known as confirmation bias.

For instance, if we feel inferior our brain highlights examples of others who appear more successful. If we feel marginalized, our attention gravitates toward exclusion and unfairness. Over time, this repeated reinforcement forms deeply embedded narratives, creating chains of identity forged through language.

The Dual Nature of Language

Yet language, while it can inhibit growth, also offers a path to liberation. Because the mind processes language in nuanced and complex ways, we must be intentional and precise with the words we use. Many of us can easily articulate our shortcomings but struggle to acknowledge our strengths. We often tell ourselves partial truths: if we’re anxious, we narrate our lives through fear and anticipated failure, rarely pausing to notice the times we successfully managed that anxiety. These skewed narratives erode self-esteem and perpetuate limitation.

We also tend to frame things linguistically in negative terms. Here’s a cultural example from Molly Young, writing in The New York Times Magazine about a trip to Finland. She noted a sign at Helsinki’s Oodi Library that read: “Please let others work in peace!”, a stark contrast to the more familiar Brooklyn version, which reads, “Please keep your voice down.” The two are nearly synonymous, but meaningfully different. The Brooklyn sign appeals to self-control; the Finnish sign appeals to social awareness. Language doesn’t just reflect our values, it shapes them.

The Limits of Language—and the Limits of Self

Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein once observed, “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” We live in a deficit-based culture, constantly bombarded by marketing that reminds us of what’s wrong with us; commercials urging us to fix psoriasis, erectile dysfunction, diabetes, weight gain, and countless other maladies. The language of lack is everywhere, and it subtly teaches us to view ourselves through a lens of deficiency that constantly needs fixing.

Language as Liberation

But the power of language lies not just in its ability to confine, it also offers a means to take back control of our narrative. By becoming more conscious of the words we use, both inwardly and outwardly, we can shift our focus from limitation to possibility. When we speak with intention, tell fuller stories, and frame our experiences through the lens of growth rather than inadequacy, we begin to dismantle the chains Rousseau described. To change our language pattern is to change our lives, and perhaps, to rediscover the freedom we were born with.

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8 Comments
  1. Tera says:

    HI Larry, So good to hear from you. Wow, you article is so profound and insightful. Excellent and I thank you!

  2. Pete di Girolamo says:

    Hi Larry,
    My recently undertaken look into effective mindfulness certainly seems to be consistent with and include awareness of language, both in its limitations and potential freedom.
    So your discussion expands on and is another facet of one’s efforts to seek grounding and equanimity!
    Thanks, Pete

    • Larry says:

      Hi Pete, thanks for your thoughtful (mindful) comment! Appreciate it! Hope you and Connie are doing well!

  3. Brenda deGerald says:

    This is a great read and reminder of what to pay attention to. I notice how people like to focus on old they’re getting on their birthday instead of celebrating it fully. My thoughts have a tendency to focus on what’s wrong with my day when I wake up vs. feeling grateful and in awe of what’s ahead. It’s like training a dog trying to get it to come back to the present moment. Then I think language is a result of my thoughts. Quite a bit to think about here! Thank you for posting.

    • Larry says:

      Thanks, Brenda! Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and sometimes they shape our reality, so we have to be careful about how we language ourselves. It’s very empowering when we consciously narrate our lives. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Great article, Larry. Learning to frame our inner and outer dialogues in a positive linguistic manner is key to a better life. Choosing to look at each day as a series of possibilities rather than a minefield to tiptoe through has been a challenge for me but like playing a musical instrument, it becomes easier with practice.

    • Larry says:

      Thanks for your comment, Greg! Very thoughtful response! I’m still looking in my inbox for a book from you, an article, a quip, a perspective, as only you can offer! Regards to Jeri! Hope you’re well!

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